I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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