He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
