Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
