she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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