my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
