I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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