So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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