I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
