remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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