make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The uberlube is also flammable
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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