hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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