things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
