I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
