so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
