overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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