New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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