is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
