yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
