well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
