Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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