my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
