i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
