I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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