All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
