her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
