Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
