at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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