bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Randomize
