Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
