I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
