I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Congratulations! We have a period
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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