just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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