god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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