we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
