Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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