having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We talked him into tasing himself.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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