i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
