there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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