i jhust puked up my retainher.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
