Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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