When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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