After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
