she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
