An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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