I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
