On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
