Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
