I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
