Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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