Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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