I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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