come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We're not piercing ourselves today.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
