my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
