I'm gonna have a badass scar
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
