He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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