I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
