My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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