I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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