I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We got so high we made milksteak
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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