he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
