We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
