Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
