you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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