Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
