Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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