I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
