just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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