it hurts more in the daytime
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
