PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
