Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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