Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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