happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
