dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
