who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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