i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
