i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
