Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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